BLACK&WHITE

-Thursday, April 30, 2009 '

i'm not gonna care anym.
i hope i mean it, and will do it, when i say it.
its an effing waste of mental energy.

OH COME ON CYNTHIA.
USE YOUR BRAINS AND LEARN LJ OR SOME OTHER HOSTS FOR JOURNALS.
HURRY UP AND GET MOVING MANNN!
DAMN IT.

studies, work, club, airport duty.
undeniably, they're taking a toll on me.
time management!

dang(!) look at the time now.
i shall go bathe, and do my tutorial, and then go sleep.
waking early to talk to momma tmr morning.
i hope she listens, as in really use her heart and listen.

ohya,

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY STEVEN! :D

12:07 AM;
&I'll let it all end here.

-Wednesday, April 29, 2009 '

caramello. ello.
i think thats quite a nice name. sounds like a hamster name! but i've got cream for my dear cream. haha.

had longjohn with shirley at msq just now. and i dont like the manager. the chilli sauce was weird, and i told him about it. and so, he gave me another 2 packets of chilli sauce. its kinda weird because if one is weird, all would be weird. and so i said "okay. but what about the fries, they're stained already." cos i squeezed the sauce on the side of the fries. and he gave me another portion. tsktsktsk. at least thats acceptable la. but i ate some of the sauce already. Lol.

then to the airport to actually buy free gst stuffs. but apparently, that didn apply to body shop, where i wanted to go. well nvm. at least i got what i wanted. :D

then then trained home.

i learnt of something today. and i'm gonna smack shirley's head the next time i say the same thing as her. HEH.

nites. i finally changed my nick. and my dp. whoo. :D

1:15 AM;
&I'll let it all end here.

-Monday, April 27, 2009 '

a few more posts, and i'll be shifting.
i cant be hitting backspace all the time you know.

k, either that or i'm locking this blog. haha.

i need to talk to her again.
guess what i did, didn't feel right.

11:26 PM;
&I'll let it all end here.

- '

sometimes you have to read more into things to defend yourself.
there wont be a need to share it.
its just to prepare you for the worst.
because its not as simple as it looks.

you'll only talk, when you think i'm over you.
eh?

i'm sick and tired of feeling this way all the time.
damn it.

10:19 PM;
&I'll let it all end here.

-Sunday, April 26, 2009 '

i did the longest working shift in my entire life today! ten to ten. i only found out that i was working that long yesterday. HAH.

work was okay today. the ups were really "up" and the downs were really "down". there was this uncle (with his family) and he taught me how to use those super big gigantic camera to take a photo, just because he wanted to take a photo of him and his family. and because i was in a good mood this afternoon, i kept smiling to almost anyone, and this customer said that i was v sweet. HAHAH. what a way to brighten up my day! :D

and then it was peak hour. and of course, my face changed. Lol. i had a moodswing. i shan't elaborate further. heh.

i had a sudden urge to grab my phone and dial your number just now. just to tell you that i think i was right in guessing certain things. in my mind, there are two extremes of you. anw, i've got things to tell you. but it wouldn't matter anymore, i guess. its always at this time of the night that i think things through. weird much.

working tmr again. i wanna have oatmeal for breakfast and dinner tmr. k random. ohya. i'm done with book two of twilight. i feel a strong sense of accomplishment eh, because i really dont like jacob. HAHA.

k bye. Lol.

2:36 AM;
&I'll let it all end here.

-Friday, April 24, 2009 '

recce with welfare was fun just now! its kinda worth having the not-so-pleasant phone call with crystal yesterday. hahaha. I LOVE THE BIG FACE COLLECTION MAN. :D

i did/spoke/made a super unglam sound just now. just because meixian said the prawns are swimming in her stomach. (i'm still laughing while typing this. HAHAHA.) i wont let it happen next week eh! HAHAHA.

my greatest wish now is to have this event turn out right. its not v hard as an event, thats why. this proposal is going up tmr! :D

okay. i'm gng turn in now. quite some plans queued up for me tmr. (including work. gosh.) heh. Goodnight!

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY DERRICK! :D

2:10 AM;
&I'll let it all end here.

-Wednesday, April 22, 2009 '

the only thing thats consistent in life is change.

convo with someone just now. and i realised that i changed in poly. for the good or bad, its up to others to decide. but i believe its good for me. hahaha.

i'm not the only one changing too. people around are. looks or contents, yeah they've changed.

and i talked to sis, like finally. and then he MIA from the convo. -.- and heres what he told me:

dont be sad cos its over, smile because it happened. :D

i didn get a chance to thank you, so, thanks eh sis. (:

pokerface, not.

能不能给我一首歌的时间
紧紧的把那拥抱变成永远
在我的怀里你不用害怕失眠
哦　如果你想忘记我也能失忆

能不能给我一首歌的时间
把故事听到最后才说再见
你送我的眼泪　让它留在雨天
哦　越过你划的线我定了勇气的终点

through my head, over and over again.

insignificantly significant.

11:20 PM;
&I'll let it all end here.

- '

i dont like school.

i dont feel like working anywhere.

i just want another school vacation.

3 weeks, 4 weeks, i dont care.

i want a real break this time round.

but i know i wont get it.

i find it hard to face people who entertain you when you speak, when its so clear on their face with that fake smile that they're absolutely not interested and their body is dying to turn away the moment you stop talking. because of their body language, you dont know what to say next.

ohya. thanks shirley for offering to accompany me before welfare meeting yesterday afternoon! :D

i'm still struggling through book two of breaking dawn. i really dont like jacob. tsk.

it should be fading, but its not.

it shouldn't upset me, but it did.

deja vu.

1:25 AM;
&I'll let it all end here.

-Monday, April 20, 2009 '

i finally slept my fill.

went to get my mc from work after reaching home from the event. then i bathed and slept all the way from 2pm till now. HAHA. because i didn really get a sleep at ecp.

anw, a fuhuanite spotted me at the social gathering. and i dont know who he is. tsktsktsk. so much for my 4 years in fuhua. =x

i got mistaken as a year 1 by a few people. then someone still thought that this freshie was so daring to bbq at the seniors pit. - . - ohyaaaaa, i need more frequency games! :B

i dislike people who dont get facts right and start throwing useless solutions at you and expect you to listen and try. they wont listen to why you wont consider their solutions too. if only i knew a word to term these people. tsk.

todays the 20th. school starts. at 3pm for me! theres welfare meeting later.

i'll keep them so that there'll be a reason to smile. (:

8:36 AM;
&I'll let it all end here.

-Saturday, April 18, 2009 '

okayyyyy. im just gonna do a quick update, and then do my stuffs, then chiong down to bedok already. i'm supposed to be there at 10.30am. Lol.

work was killer yest. we're understaffed, and its actually quite scary when an ice cream parlour is understaffed too. esp when customers are blind and cant see the "please wait to be seated" sign. we're not a fastfood restaurant for goodness sake. k, then we did closing till really late, and i had to run through citylink to hop onto the last train. hmmm, i guess theres a first for everything eh. haha.

anw, crystal happened to be in msq olast night, and she shouted my name and waved. how sweet for a cartel manager right! i was quite touched eh. if i wasn't busy then, i would have been smiling my night away.

OH ITS 11.11AM! heh.

okay, i'm gonna go do my stuffs already. :B

11:11 AM;
&I'll let it all end here.

-Friday, April 17, 2009 '

work at cartel yesterday wasn't as fun as i thought. but i talked to crystal a lot, and i did some desserts! :D

"Cynthia ah, whats your favourite flavour there?"

"errr. i think cookies and cream. heee."

"there nice to work?"

"there quite nice to work. haha. why you never ask why i come back?"

"orh. ya hor. why ah?"

"because there not much people to talk to. and quite boring there."

i'm lucky to have peini and kenneth to sms during my shift. if not when there was nothing to do, i would be stoning, and wiping the db over and over again. hahaha.

and then something happened when i was outside cartel on the way back from buying food. HAHAHA. i told some of the staffs too. HEH. first time ehhhhh. LOL.

AND THEN i actually took the train home with guoliang but i didn know. cos he was sleeping, and then i found that guy familiar, but didn bother much. haha. and he spotted me when he alighted, and we actually talked with him outside the train, and me inside the train. -.-

OKAY. I KNOW MY LIFE IS BORING. 10 hours of work later again. at andersens. i guess that would be boring, too. damn. i've been saying that i feel like i'm 2 timing andersens and cartel. tsktsktsk. i cant really decide eh. Lol.

i dont feel going to work later. no. mood.

actually. i dont feel like going anywhere.

10:29 AM;
&I'll let it all end here.

-Thursday, April 16, 2009 '

that special song drives the adrenaline in my blood.
but it'll be insignificant to you.

4:15 PM;
&I'll let it all end here.

- '

out with peini again yesterday!

the place that we're exploring is actually arab street. it wasnt as interesting as i thought. then we walked a little in bugis street, then we sat outside starbucks to eat our chocolate flavour burst and talk. IM NOT A FIERCE PERSON FOR GOODNESS SAKE. HAHAHA. and i know that somebody does not has zi nue zheng okayyyyy. but anw, we had a really good laugh. :D

then we went cartel for HAPPY HOUR. thats what they call their new promotion. 50% off snackers, iced &hot coffees, and frappes. CAPUCCINO FREEZE IS VVVVV NICE. i shld have got my morning bar to make it for me last time la. :(

then we had cake again. and then we waited for brian to knock off. SEEMS LIKE WE'RE FETCHING HIM FROM WORK LA. HAHA. ohya, another thing to laugh. somebody at cartel very HOT HOT HOT la hor. HAHA.

i'm working tonight at cartel. WHOO. but the fun people not around leh. tsk. i wanna do desserts, freestyle! hahaha!

im gng meet yy later. SO LONG NEVER SEE HER ALREADY. Lol.

andersens tmr again. hmmm.

3:11 PM;
&I'll let it all end here.

-Wednesday, April 15, 2009 '

OUT WITH PEINI YESTERDAY!

we caught the handsome suit, which is quite nice, and it had an unexpected ending. and then we headed down to andersens to have fondue! HEH. got staff discount lehhhhh. :B talked many many many there, then we left.

then we went to cartel j8 (to have the half priced cakes. :B). OMG. i cant express how much i miss the place in words. seriously. i was all smiles and laughter when i was there. i saw haitang, brian, kelvin and yanjun. long long long time never see them man. esp brian ah. tsk. he wasnt around on my "last day". and i quite long never do counter with him already. HAHHA. anw, i think i'm gng back to cartel to work, when i'm free. like i said, working at cartel is more fun than working at andersens. heh.

out with peini later again. to some place that we dont even know how to go. HAHA. then at night, we'll be going to cartel again! :D

i finally did what i wanted to do. but. hahaha. i shall be happy with everything now. at least i had a good sleep last night, which i did not for a long time. take care eh. (:

12:41 PM;
&I'll let it all end here.

-Tuesday, April 14, 2009 '

out with some dac09 people yesterday! namely mandy natalie shi'en shirley wangjun edmund and linlong. heh.

it was the first time i played pool.
it was the first time i went to a kbox. (thats not in school)
it was the first time i sang at a kbox.

SO MANY FIRST TIMES EH. i didn sing much, but overall, it was quite fun catching up with them. esp the zhong ji mi ma at sakae. I WAS WAITING FOR MY TURN TO HIT THE NUMBER LA. because i wanna set the number. and of course i know when i ZHONG, i gotta eat sushi with some wasabi, which i dont really like. hahaha.

ohya. i sucked a lot at pool. HAHA. but theres once i hit the white ball, it jumped, then hit another ball, and that other ball got in! HAHAHA. and many thanks to the people who played pool with me for being so extremely patient with me. hehehe.

OUT WITH PEINI LATERRRRR. WHOO. fondue fondue fondue. YUM.

& the feeling comes and goes. i guess it has become a habit already.
well, i'm living my life like it would be, before us.

the perfect imperfection.

2:13 PM;
&I'll let it all end here.

-Monday, April 13, 2009 '

i think i'm a total klutz. i burnt my hand around 3 times yesterday with the coffee machine. there was a blister on my finger last night, but its gone now. heh. and i'm super duper slowwwww, in all ways.

i lost my oomph to read breaking dawn. because i dont like jacob, and im suppose to the book two of breaking dawn. tsk. i wish i could've read the story in bella's perspective. hahaha.

sakae with dac09 later.

i wanna rewatch twilight! HEH!

i'm looking forward to tmr too! WHOO!

1:30 PM;
&I'll let it all end here.

-Sunday, April 12, 2009 '

HEYYO! i finished my eclipse and i'm at breaking dawn now! HEH! what an accomplishment eh. :B

work these few days, ummm, was rather plain, dry, dull, lifeless, and you can insert whatever similar words here. out of place. thats the best phrase that can describe how i'm feeling there. i keep comparing things here to things at cartel before. although i earn with lesser effort, i'm not really enjoying it, to the extent that my colleague asked why i looked so sian today.

work at cartel is rather freestyle in the counter, esp the db. because no one really cared anymore. and that made it a whole lot more fun. HAH. but here, the steps/processes/system/management is kinda rigid. not much room for flexibility, at least thats what i feel till now.

and because 30% of the customers are foreigners, i can easily identify singaporeans. typical singaporeans. typical singaporeans who behave as customers. and i'm not referring to polite customers. it upsets me to see this. and frightens me to think that i may become like them in future, just because i'm a singaporean.

and lastly, i miss work at cartel, because there'll never be nothing to do. maybe only 3% of the time. the things to do would include talking to friends, and counting the receipts and trying my best to top up the db to the person doing cashier the next shift (if the cashier is someone nice. heh.) and blahblah. i lost the oomph to work already. i lost the feeling of looking forward to work everyday. man, i'm feeling so nostalgic now.

the only thing thats good at work, is that theres nice food to eat everyday. i get to steal a bite or two every shift. not really steal. they asked me to eat. THINKING ABOUT FOOD IS NOT A CRIME! HAH. i help myself to a marshmallow or a cookie when no one is looking, because of i thought too much about food. heh.

so much about work. anw, my schedule changed, and i have 4 off days next week. including thursday. heh. plenty of catch-ups next week. yayness eh. :D

OKAY. let me talk about other things a bit before i end this post. I HAVEN BEEN TALKING TO SIS LA. he's not online when i am. Lol. and no more random calls already. it used to be the case whereby he'd call to ask me about tutorials, then we'd sidetrack a bit, and then we'd decide to give up the entire tutorial, and then we'd talk many many. HAHHA.

OKAY. this is the end of this post. Lol.

1:58 AM;
&I'll let it all end here.

-Tuesday, April 07, 2009 '

i dont wanna spend my off days like that. so no life please. hahaha.

i still cant get the sop right for the desserts. the only thing that i do right is the couple fondue, and the 5 scoops, and of cos the single scoops. anw, I MADE 2 LATTES AND A HOT CHOCOLATE YESTERDAY. (but i think cartel's latte would taste better, and their hot chocolate too. heh.) maybe i'll try out cafe mocha today. :B hehehe.

after my journey home yesterday after work, i now know what kind of guy i seriously cannot stand. Peini knows too. i think karma will strike me soon. hor? hahaha.

double pay on friday! WHEEEEE! :DDDDD

to dream about a life, where you're the shining star.

my heart melts along with niceeeee songs. :D

12:44 PM;
&I'll let it all end here.

-Monday, April 06, 2009 '

oh man i feel like crying. not because of him, but because of them, esp P. its so touching to know that someone cares for you when you dont contact each other for days. and i'm sorry for the delay in letting you know my schedule. :x

here it is
mon (6th april) : 4pm to 10pm
tues (7th april): 4pm to 10pm
wed (8th april): OFF!
thurs (9th april): 10am to 4pm
fri (10th april): 4pm to 10pm
sat (11th april): 4pm to 10pm
sun (12th april): 4pm to 10pm
mon (13th april): OFF! ( dac09 girls!)
tues (14th april): OFF!
wed (15th april): OFF! (bestie!)
thurs (16th april): 4pm to 10pm
fri (17th april): 4pm to 10pm
sat (18th april): 4pm to 10pm
sun (19th april): 4pm to 10pm

okay. i'll try my best to change the shifts for the last few days. i promise. cos i know its kinda important. Lol. and school reopening on the 20th.

anw, I FINISHED NEW MOON ALREADY. i'm so gng down to Popular, the budget bookshop, later to get ECLIPSE! then i'll start reading on my way to work. muahahaha. :B i called it budget because, they have promotions so much! you can get the same book at kinokuniya, and its around $3 more ex. hahaha. but anw, i need to travel a little bit more to kinokuniya, so i'm actually just pure lazy. hoho.

i'm learning the counter stuffs already. it seems like a replay of things at cartel when joanna just taught me how to do desserts. i try my best to see how they do it, but i still only rmb bits and pieces in the end. -.- and i made 2 capuccino last night. now i know how to foam the milk already. hahaha. I WANNA GO TRY THEIR FONDUE UH! :D and all this time, the way i've been scooping ice cream at cartel, ITS WRONG. damn it la. no wonder my gloves and hands are full of ice cream whenever i complete a dessert then. -.-

something related to my work. hehehe.

cry it all out, and i'll forget whatever that happened.
thats my poor memory at work.

12:51 PM;
&I'll let it all end here.

-Sunday, April 05, 2009 '

i felt kinda dead today. no mood to do anything, even much less for work. but i still worked anw. and i broke a glass. dang. for so long in cartel, i never broke anything. now at my new workplace, its just slightly over a week, and i broke a juice glass. because i forgot to switch the tap to cold water, my hand bathed in hot water, and i dropped the glass out of reflex action. luckily its only in the sink. hahaha.

on a lighter note, i'm finishing new moon soon! heh! now i gotta find some time to head over to Popular, the budget bookshop to get eclipse. its good to be a slow reader eh, because now, there're stocks for the books! HAHAHA.

okay. this sucks. i miss a lot of things. i miss seeing 3 words on my phone when my phone rang early in the morning. i miss seeing 3 words or 1 word with a symbol when my phone vibrated upon receiving a text message. i miss working with you. i miss you insisting on that i work till 9pm only. i miss looking forward to knocking off so that i could tell you so. i miss waiting for your call after your work ended. i miss waiting for your call during your meal break. i miss calling you weird names on the phone. i miss the same response i get all the time for calling you those weird names. i miss our late night chats. i miss getting duty over and done with so that i could hurry off first (so that you could call). i miss pretending to hung up on you. the list goes on. there are so many things to miss, and as soon as i think about one, i forget about the other.
i miss the way you get worried about me, your concern, the way you supported me. imy.

back to new moon now. somehow, i could relate to bella's situation.

1:54 AM;
&I'll let it all end here.

-Saturday, April 04, 2009 '

my heart rate goes up, and i feel the rush of adrenaline. the exhaustion that i felt suddenly disappears, and i feel awake. awake enough to be reminded of unpleasant stuffs. it feels like things are getting worse, and work isn't much of a solution. its this kind of feeling, that assures me that i'm right about the upsetting facts. guess i was bluffing myself all along, and bluffing others, too. i cant help but admit that theres double protection right now. that was so subtle, and yet so powerful. or maybe the more insignificant it seemed to be, the more strength it holds.

work today was horrendous, disastrous, not so pleasant, to me. i dont like to do opening. its like a morning workout for me. sweeping, mopping, wiping, washing. its no wonder that the skin on my fingertips are starting to crack. but i learned a couple of new things again today. i baked cookies at work eh! :D they're awfully yummy. (i got to try them too. hahha.) but i didn make the dough. :(

and then, back to fuhua for alumni band prac. i sucked, a lot, again. tsk. thats what i get for not touching my dear flute for around half a year. plus i was kinda sleepy. =x hehehe. and then, dinner with some of the people. ITS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I ATE AT CU. HAHA.

I'M FINALLY HALFWAY THROUGH. LOL.

i'm worn out already. and i'm thinking about shirley at this moment. hahaha.

12:51 AM;
&I'll let it all end here.

-Thursday, April 02, 2009 '

DEJA VU. DEFINITELY DEJA VU.
sososo similar please. but because i've gone through something similar to that, it doesn't bother me as much as it would. heh.

April fools', and i was fooled only once. bestie told me she was hospitalised. dont blame me for believing it! she have this huge lump on her throat yesterday, so i thought she was hospitalised because of that. but anw, I THINK ITS HIGH TIME FOR YOU TO GO SEE THE DOC LO.

work was kinda horrible today. opening shld only take half and hour, and i took 2 hours. and i was kinda worn out, and was in slow motion mode the entire shift. prolly thats why i took 2 hours to do opening. i slept quite a lot the day before leh, but still like that, dont know why uh.

damn that tagboard on the left. -.- tag people, tag! :D

1:35 AM;
&I'll let it all end here.

-Wednesday, April 01, 2009 '

had a chat with kenneth and corina just now. its been ages since i chatted on msn uh. i shall start clicking people, instead of waiting for people to click me.

but anw, kenneth is still in the philippines right now. and he seems to be enjoying it a whole lot. corina is still as approachable as ever. i think i haven been talking to them for quite some time already. hmmm.

caught confessions of a shopaholic with bestie, and shopped a lot. the entire of my last month's pay is gone already. and i still think that its not really enough. I SHALL BELIEVE THAT WORK WILL REFRAIN ME FROM SPENDING TOO MUCH! HEH.

okay. first morning shift tmr, im gng sleep already. goodnight! :D

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS' DAY!

1:02 AM;
&I'll let it all end here.